Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

 "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising in everytime we fall". -Confucius 

                                The Philippines has been tormented by heavy rains these past few days. Some argue that it's about God's wrath while some say that it's about Global warming. I can only assure you one thing though, and that is no one is enjoying this kind of situation.

                                 A lot of students had been persistently wishing that classes would be suspended. I have to admit that sometimes I am one of them. Well, our wish was granted... perhaps, too much was actually given to us. So here I am, in front of the computer, writing my insights on this matter. I'm not really the emphatic type of person, but right now a lot of thoughts just come rushing in to my mind.

                                 I realized that nobody wanted this to happen. Maybe some students did, but without realizing the costs. Who would want to be stuck inside the house with no food or water? Who would want to experience a brown out? Who would want to wander in streets submerged in filthy water? Of course... NOBODY. So, who's fault is it?

                                 The answer to that question would definitely not be NOBODY. God probably made it rain but He didn't make the flood. I was watching the news and saw the horrifying pictures of the piles of garbage floating and then I saw someone blaming the government for what has happened in their Barangay. To tell you honestly, I was really disappointed with this. It's not the first time that this kind of calamity happened. I bet every one knows how devastating Ondoy was and it was just 2009 when it struck the Philippines. Watching the news, I can't help but ask, "When will we ever learn?" Do we have to go through this over and over again? We have to find a solution... and to do that, we must realize or determine the roots of the problem. There's too much evidence that the world is not the same as it was before. If you say you still can't feel or notice it, research or wait for another calamity to shove in your face.

                                Don't get me wrong. I'm not washing my hands or pretending that I have nothing to do with this. I'm not a perfect steward of God's creation and I bet nobody is.One has to admit that at some point of his life, he has vandalized the beautiful surroundings even by just committing petty stuff such as littering. But I hope that some may be enlightened with what's currently going on, and bit by bit, try to mend their ways. There was in fact a man who lost all his family members in just one instant. 9 of his family members died in the landslide. He was dumbfounded. I can tell that he was overwhelmed by his loss. There are more people out there who are suffering, people who are waiting for help... people who's stories are waiting to be told. I'm not really an emphatic type of person but the news struck me really hard. It was painful to watch because unlike the movies or teleseryes that I guess all of us are fond of, this is something real.... IT IS HAPPENING.

                               A while ago, my mother and I went to church. Beside it was the parish hall where the evacuees found refuge. Seeing them makes me wonder, what if I was in their situation? What if all that I've worked was just washed out by the flood? I can't even imagine it. And I felt really bad for the many times that I've complained about our food at home or on how ugly my clothes are. I felt bad for the many times I just put a lot of things to waste. I felt bad for the time I've wasted. I felt bad that I wish it that there will be a storm disregarding the fact that a lot of people will be affected and a lot of lives would be put at stake. Right now, I actually feel bad that I'm right here, when in fact, a lot of people are in dire need of help. Melodramatic, isn't it? Well, wait till you experience it.

                                I've never lost faith on the Filipino people. I will always be grateful that I am a Filipino but we must admit that we have to change our ways. We have to discipline ourselves, not only for our welfare but also for the welfare of others. When will this end? It will end only if we decide to put an end to this. Minimize garbage, reduce waste, conserve and whatever other things that can help us alleviate the bad effects of these calamities.

                                You know, the one good thing I really see on this is how we help others in these kinds of situation. Look at the rescuers, the reporters and the officials who are almost 24/7 working to help the people in need. They're the real heroes because they sacrifice their lives even for people who they don't even know. There was one who tweeted that she was luck that she wasn't in the Philippines and that the Philippines was so poor. Well, the Philippines might be a poor country compared to the USA or other first world countries, but that would only be on the material aspect. What we Filipino's have is the emotional resilience, that even though these unfortunate events happen, we sill manage to have a smile on our faces and believe that God's invisible hand is always there, and that tomorrow will be a better day. Being materially impoverished is less essential. Floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, it chooses nobody. It doesn't care about your status in life. Having the spirit to face these problems is the real important thing. So for that person, who tweeted that, we're also thankful that you're not in the Philippines. We don't need people like you here and I hope these things won't happen to where you are.

                                I don't know how to end this with words. I guess the more appropriate conclusion would be ACTION and PRAYER. We may not know when exactly the rain will stop but it will... eventually because God will never give us something that we cannot surpass. I don't really know my exact purpose of writing this and maybe only 10 or so people would be interested in reading this blog but for those who are able to read it, I hope that you're safe and that the words I put here would enlighten you. God bless :)

                               

The Sixth Sense

It's been a while since I've written a film review and as of the moment I am under the influence of alcohol so forgive my grammatical errors :) Thank you :)
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The Sixth Sense
Rating : 4/5

       "A horror movie with a story". Well, if you want films which depict the previously mentioned, then the Sixth Sense is a film for you. It's very rare that you find horror films of this kind. My brother told me that it was boring and discouraged me to watch this film but as a horror movie enthusiast, I cannot resist watching this kind of movie. If I didn't watch the Sixth Sense, then I must say I would have lost a great deal. A lot of modern day horror/thriller/suspense movies have lacked a good plot. Most would just have the morbid stuff, the shocking musical score and the gory faces of the ghosts but in the end, a critical viewer would just say that the movie was simply empty.

       The Sixth Sense didn't have me jolting from my seat due to fear and anxiety. I had a few scares. Now, it must be baffling to you why I still gave it a 4. I've watched creepy movies ever since I was a child. The Exorcist scared the hell out of me and left me a little frantic. The Sixth Sense didn't do the same. As a horror movie, it wasn't really scary. As a whole, well, it was a gorgeous and cleverly done movie. It's my favorite among the Shymalan's creations. It's a paradigm shift from the menacing pictures other movies portray about ghosts. It was just simple and believable in the minimalists sense. In an effortless way, it will give you creeps. It just proves that there is actually no dire need to have those grandiose effects to send the audience screaming and say that it is one hell of a good horrifying and nerve-wracking movie.

        Furthermore, the actors were really good especially the one who played as Cole. Haley Joel Osment did a fantastic job. The movie wouldn't be so much effective without him. His fear in the movie almost felt real. Oh, and Bruce Willis was also good. To tell you honestly, when I saw his name on the DVD case, I became quite incredulous on how he's going to deliver it because I've only watched his action films. But man, I was so wrong. I cannot really say that he was perfect for the role but he did justice to the movie. Another plus side for the movie is the script. Whoever made it, hands down. Very rare do movies of this genre actually has meaning and words that stick in the minds of the viewers. There are actually only two things that I wish were done in the movie: (1) I wish it was more elaborated and (2) A few more scares.

       I was really happy I didn't listen to my brother's advice of not watching the movie. I don't recommend this to those who prefer to watch hardcore bloodshed or over the top freaky movies because I am pretty sure that you'll end up being bored, just like my brother. If you want movies that will give you creeps but definitely has a story, then you must really watch this. The Sixth Sense is not just a typical horror movie of a child who has the ability to see dead people; it is a movie that actually makes sense.

PS. The ending was gorgeous :)

Happiness

Sophomore year
It wasn't an easy year, I had to admit. To be honest, it is probably one of the the hardest years of my life . There were a lot of setbacks that actually had a great impact on me. Love, friendship, studies but the greatest was self-struggle. There was a great deal of grief and pain during those days which seemed to me almost insurmountable.I was angry with myself. I felt that I was a failure, that I always let people down, that every effort I exert is futile, and there were many times I felt that I don't belong anywhere. But then, thinking of it now, I must say that all of it was just plain stupid.

I thought that the world was mad at me but the reality is I am mad with myself. I was sad due to the mere fact that I chose to be lonely. I failed to realize that God actually gives a thousand reasons for me to celebrate each day with joy. I woke up this morning, and thank Him for letting me live another day, for giving me the chance to mend my mistakes, for letting me see my family once again, for letting me talk to my friends who help in making my problems oblivious, for the sight of His beautiful creation each time I go out to the comforts of my home... It will take me forever to cite everything that I should be grateful for. I don't know what was with me before.

Throughout this issue with myself, I have never been alone. God never left me and I actually felt his omnipresence. I remember crying in the church, talking to him, telling him the feeling of desolation and that soon I might succumb to the pangs of destiny. I knew He was there listening. I may not hear or see him, but I felt him in a way that I guess, is impossible to be explained even by the most erudite person in the world.

I remember my obsession with UP. I used to ask him why I didn't pass in my dream school; why did He give the chance to others and not me, or if I was less deserving.I have tried to get into UP a lot of times. I was so obsessed with the idea that I was even willing to take a course that I hated. Heaven knows that I tried my best. It was painful, knowing that only a tad bit, I would already be in there. I remember crying in my mother's arms, coiling my body into a ball, and blaming myself for not exerting sufficient effort to get in. What hurts the most was feeling like you're a mess and incapable because other people made you feel so. Well, I actually knew all along that I wanted to get in there because of other people's expectations. The thing was, I had also made it my personal reality.

 And now I ask myself if I am happy where I am right now. The answer is yes. There is probably nothing else I could wish for. I've got the most fabulous set of "crazy" and genuine friends. I have been able to overcome my fears. I never would have thought I can come out of my shell and sing in front of people. I never would have thought I could become a class president. I never would have thought that I can be who I want to be. I owe all of this to the people who surrounded me, who pushed me to become a better individual.

I actually realized that only you can determine who you are. People can say a lot of things about you. They can drag you down and punch you with harsh words... but that is only if you let them. I am pretty sure these kind of people have their personal struggles which provoke them to vent their problems by bashing others. I know a lot of them, but to tell you honestly, what they say is nothing. Just don't let them define who you are.

So what's the bottomline of this? What I am trying to say is that everything happens for a reason. God has a better design and plan for our lives. His ways are different from ours. Also, every decision we make each day has a correlative effect on our future so we must be very careful with our choices. Lastly, there is one key to happiness... and that is simple letting yourself become (happy, love, and be loved).

Black Swan

     The Black Swan was a movie directed by Darren Aronofsky which hit the theathers last 2010. The movie revolves around the story of a ballerina, Nina Sayers who was chosen to play the lead role in "Swan Lake." Nina Sayers has become completely obsessed with perfection that she almost lost her sanity. It was a movie that exemplified DARKNESS and suffice to say, one of the best of all time.

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    I was discerning this morning and I incidentally remembered the Black Swan. It's one of the few movies that really captured my interest. I liked it because it was cleverly done, had top-notch performances, and had a superb storyline, but lately, I realized that all I just mentioned are not the main reasons why I loved it.

   I see myself in Nina Sayers.  She was a mirror of my personality. I was very much like her, minus the fact that I hate dancing. I wanted to be perfect; I wanted to be the epitome of every single thing that I loved and I wanted to be that ideal person. Thinking about all these things has obscured the fact that I am just a human being who has the propensity to commit mistakes. I have been pushing myself too hard that I forgot I still have a "life". I thought people surrounding me were the ones who were pushing me to the limit; but perhaps, I am wrong. I was the biggest enemy of myself. It was me all along who continually drives myself crazy.

    I really find it hard to accept mistakes. I always blame myself whenever bad things happen around. I become really insecure whenever someone surpasses what I done. Maybe this was rooted from my childhood  days when the only thing I had to prove myself to anyone was to excel in my studies. And so, I tried my best, I studied hard and for a long time and forgot to enjoy. Recently, I was having a hard time coping with the events of  life because of the results of our preliminary exams. I considered the grades I got mediocre, and I was punishing myself to be lonely for having an insufficient preparation. I just can't get off my mind what it could have been if I was well-prepared. For days, depression has seeped within me that it became to much to handle. I have created my own boundaries.

   Right now, with all these realizations, I am trying to at least neutralize my way of thinking. I have to inculcate in my mind that some things are beyond my control. This perception, the destructive part in the dark recesses of my mind should disappear. I know it wouldn't be that easy to just take it off, but I've got to have courage to surpass this self-torment that I have created. I don't want to end up like Nina becoming insane because of such disposition in life. As I always quote what Leroy said, "The only person standing in your way is you," I am very much aware that this time, I am the only one who can save myself.

Self-Torment

I should have posted the other day about this but I didn't know how to put into words what I felt. Right now, I find it hard to have self-esteem. Too bad I had to lose it all before realizing that I've just let opportunities slip away. I would have like to indulge myself into the thought that all my failures were just a product of fate, but as much as I wanted to believe in that, I can't hide from the fact that I would only be fooling myself.

It feels bad to know that I could have done better, that I could have been happier, that things wouldn't have turned out gloomy if I just did my best. But then, what's done is done. I just feel that I've failed in accomplishing my obligations- with my classmates, with my family, with my friends and most of all, with MYSELF. I know I have this attitude of "egoism" in me and it's ruining my disposition. I feel hopeless. I simply feel that I wouldn't be able to cope up. Sometimes I want to bang my head on the wall so I could divert my mind from overthinking. They say that I shouldn't blame myself for everything, but who else is there to blame when it's obvious that it is my fault? Maybe I just have the propensity to ruin things.

I am now confused. I wish I can redeem myself but I don't really know how. I am so ravaged and I having a hard time making myself believe that there will always be a tomorrow to mend all the mistakes. How can I help others, when I can't even save myself from depression?