I should have posted the other day about this but I didn't know how to put into words what I felt. Right now, I find it hard to have self-esteem. Too bad I had to lose it all before realizing that I've just let opportunities slip away. I would have like to indulge myself into the thought that all my failures were just a product of fate, but as much as I wanted to believe in that, I can't hide from the fact that I would only be fooling myself.
It feels bad to know that I could have done better, that I could have been happier, that things wouldn't have turned out gloomy if I just did my best. But then, what's done is done. I just feel that I've failed in accomplishing my obligations- with my classmates, with my family, with my friends and most of all, with MYSELF. I know I have this attitude of "egoism" in me and it's ruining my disposition. I feel hopeless. I simply feel that I wouldn't be able to cope up. Sometimes I want to bang my head on the wall so I could divert my mind from overthinking. They say that I shouldn't blame myself for everything, but who else is there to blame when it's obvious that it is my fault? Maybe I just have the propensity to ruin things.
I am now confused. I wish I can redeem myself but I don't really know how. I am so ravaged and I having a hard time making myself believe that there will always be a tomorrow to mend all the mistakes. How can I help others, when I can't even save myself from depression?
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