Please Read. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU

Allow me to have my melodramatic moment here. Actually di ko alam kung paano sisimulan kasi up to now overwhelmed pa rin ako. I asked God one thing and that is to witness a "miracle". Seems impossible right? But you know, ngayon ko lang napatunayan na walang imposible kay God. I was really surprised and realized how ungrateful I was. Thank you Orfeon Cbe Choir sa surprise! Kahit na hectic schedule niyo lahat, you still found the time to go here and serenade me :(( I am super touchedd! Alam niyo bang dream ko makantahan. Natouch din ako sa mga messages niyo:)) Thank you The Avengers and Chx sa surprise sa classroom :(( Lahat ng pwede kong mahiling, binigay niyo na lalo na si :)) To tell you honestly, I was crying the whole week and this is the first night in a long time na iiyak ako not because I am sad and frustrated, but because I am overwhelmed with joy. Sa mga kapamilya ko super thank you :)Sa lahat ng naggreet thank you. Sa mga friends ko sa SHS na never ako nakalimutan igreet, thank you! Sa 2eco2 thank you. I dunno how to express my extreme gratitude. Napasaya niyo ako ng sobra. I don't know how to pay you back :(   Ngayon ko lang nafeel na may sense yung buhay ko. Sorry ang drama ko pero sa sobrang saya ko, feeling ko di na ako makakatulog. Ayun lang. Lahat kayo gift ni God sakin. All of you were the "miracle" that I asked from him :)

A Series of Unfortunate Events

          Today, I find the necessity to write what I really feel because it's the only way I know to solace the overwhelming sadness I have in me right now. It was since last week that I've started to feel defeated, incompetent and irrelevant. I tried not to think about it, but all the negative thoughts have piled and coalesced to a solid punch that has eventually knocked me down.

         I am very much aware that my fatal flaw is to overthink. I tend to aggravate problems and to take things too seriously.  I was always like this, even as a child.  I may have a strong facade, but the truth is I am very delicate. People seldom see me cry, but the truth is there were many nights I've spent in the comforts of my bed crying a river. I want to tell people what I feel, or what I think, every single detail of it, but I'm afraid that they may see me as a weakling, when the truth is I really am. I want to do a lot of things, to accomplish a lot of goals, but my insecurities have been superb in holding me back. The fact is, I've been a skeptic of my own abilities. There are a lot of times I wish I could fold myself, so that I can be something else, just like an origami.

       I want to be honest. I want to be really transparent. What hinders me from being vocal is fear. Fear of being to shallow. Fear of being unreasonable. Fear of making things worse. I don't want to get mad, and so I hold back my anger and just let it pass. It is hard keeping myself composed when all I want to do is to rant and tell people it's not okay anymore. I am a coward. I don't want people to see that other part of me, that I am trying to hide. I don't want people to see that abhorrent side that will just push them away from me. But sometimes I wish I can also be brave enough to tell them the truth. The problem is, is there any proper way to do so?

         It's quite fortunate that this day will soon be over. I'm tired, and I guess sleeping would be a temporary escape from sadness. I am happy that I've been triggered to cry again because it kindles my hope that I will run out of it. What I am undergoing right now is what some may call "a struggle within". I am completely lost in the void, and also continuously feeling the pangs of confusion. I can't even see a vivid image of myself.

         Readers of this post my see me as a person full of shit loads of drama. I am, indeed and I am very much aware of that. Sorry if I wasted your time, but let me just say that everyone has his/her own way of confiding his/her feelings- and this is how I do it.