This Is Why You Love Someone Who Is Not Yours

It all starts with assumptions. It starts with the voice at the back of head telling you that this time, it will probably work out. That this time things won’t probably go wrong because you’ve already learned a lot from the previous heartache. You assume because you start to hope again that it could escalate to a degree which is more than friendship. But you do not simply make assumptions for the sake of make-believe. You make assumptions because you see signs emanated by the one you love. Some may call it reckless and stupid, but it is still one of the forces of human nature which is hard, if not impossible, to defy.

As you continue to “assume” that the feeling is mutual, you let yourself become more vulnerable to heartache. The walls you have start to disintegrate and you become comfortable with him. He is the only one who could make you feel that way. This becomes a routine, and then you morph into a whimsical and hopeful being, like children looking forward to the promise of their reward after being docile to their parents or teachers’ orders. However, not all promises are fulfilled, just like not all love become reciprocated.

But even if you start to figure out that there is something wrong, you push it at the back of your mind because the scanty amount of hope was enough to make you cling on to what you both have. It was enough for you to stay. Even if he treats you like you’re an option, even if he values you less than what you are, even when you already come to realize that it will not work in the long run, you continue to talk to him and gamble with your chances. You’ll know when the spur of emotions fades but you will deny it and think of it as momentary. That would be the moment when he starts to call you only when he gets bored, when he starts to make excuses, when the good morning messages become rare and when he becomes too busy to even spare a minute to say hi and ask you how your day was. But even if this hurts, it was impossible for you to make demands because you know that you do not own him. There’s no label to what you have, but you assume that maybe both of you will get there. You were too afraid of losing him because you thought he was the one. But the truth is, he is not.

Sometimes, we assume too much that we live in our own ideas, and this hinders us from seeing the reality. And so we give ourselves completely to one person, regardless of what they truly feel about us. But when the fatal words, “I do not really love you,” comes ringing in our ears, we see the world as a catastrophic place and ask ourselves why we didn’t see it coming when the truth is that the signs were there all along.

There is a demarcation line between being in love with a person and being in love with the “idea of falling in love”. If you’re meant to be together, you will be, without forcing it to happen. Same thing goes the other way around. If he wants to leave, let him because the right one will stay even without you asking or begging for it. If he treats you like an option and if he values you less than what you are, muster enough courage to be the one to let go because you deserve someone better. He may be there now, but he will leave you, eventually. You have to realize that sometimes, there are things more than just love, and I am referring to “yourself”. I know that this contradicts the notion that it is a selfless act, but I guess it’s never too wrong to still leave some, or even a little for you as a person, as a being. It is hard, but sometimes the right decisions are not necessarily the convenient ones.

Cliché as this may sound like, but I believe that things happen for a reason. When those I’ve mentioned unfortunately occurs, think of it as something that sets you in the right direction. Take it as a constant reminder that there is someone else out there that could give you the love that you’ve yearned for, the kind of love that knows no limits and the kind of love that you can give or even greater.