It all starts with
assumptions. It starts with the voice at the back of head telling you that this
time, it will probably work out. That this time things won’t probably go wrong
because you’ve already learned a lot from the previous heartache. You assume
because you start to hope again that it could escalate to a degree which is
more than friendship. But you do not simply make assumptions for the sake of
make-believe. You make assumptions because you see signs emanated by the one
you love. Some may call it reckless and stupid, but it is still one of the
forces of human nature which is hard, if not impossible, to defy.
As you continue
to “assume” that the feeling is mutual, you let yourself become more vulnerable
to heartache. The walls you have start to disintegrate and you become comfortable
with him. He is the only one who could make you feel that way. This becomes a
routine, and then you morph into a whimsical and hopeful being, like children
looking forward to the promise of their reward after being docile to their
parents or teachers’ orders. However, not all promises are fulfilled, just like
not all love become reciprocated.
But even if you
start to figure out that there is something wrong, you push it at the back of
your mind because the scanty amount of hope was enough to make you cling on to
what you both have. It was enough for you to stay. Even if he treats you like you’re
an option, even if he values you less than what you are, even when you already
come to realize that it will not work in the long run, you continue to talk to
him and gamble with your chances. You’ll know when the spur of emotions fades
but you will deny it and think of it as momentary. That would be the moment
when he starts to call you only when he gets bored, when he starts to make
excuses, when the good morning messages become rare and when he becomes too
busy to even spare a minute to say hi and ask you how your day was. But even if
this hurts, it was impossible for you to make demands because you know that you
do not own him. There’s no label to what you have, but you assume that maybe
both of you will get there. You were too afraid of losing him because you
thought he was the one. But the truth is, he is not.
Sometimes, we assume
too much that we live in our own ideas, and this hinders us from seeing the
reality. And so we give ourselves completely to one person, regardless of what
they truly feel about us. But when the fatal words, “I do not really love you,”
comes ringing in our ears, we see the world as a catastrophic place and ask ourselves
why we didn’t see it coming when the truth is that the signs were there all
along.
There is a demarcation
line between being in love with a person and being in love with the “idea of
falling in love”. If you’re meant to be together, you will be, without forcing
it to happen. Same thing goes the other way around. If he wants to leave, let him
because the right one will stay even without you asking or begging for it. If
he treats you like an option and if he values you less than what you are,
muster enough courage to be the one to let go because you deserve someone
better. He may be there now, but he will leave you, eventually. You have to
realize that sometimes, there are things more than just love, and I am
referring to “yourself”. I know that this contradicts the notion that it is a
selfless act, but I guess it’s never too wrong to still leave some, or even a
little for you as a person, as a being. It is hard, but sometimes the right
decisions are not necessarily the convenient ones.
Cliché as this
may sound like, but I believe that things happen for a reason. When those I’ve
mentioned unfortunately occurs, think of it as something that sets you in the
right direction. Take it as a constant reminder that there is someone else out
there that could give you the love that you’ve yearned for, the kind of love
that knows no limits and the kind of love that you can give or even
greater.